People think that films can be delusional, that we watch them for the sake of living in another fantasy world, that what we refuse to be reality, we can find in films, that films, are the sole reason why we crave for more, want for more, unsatisfied with what we already have.
A film can haunt me, destroy me, traumatize me, romanticize me, teach me, appreciate me, show me. Provoke me. A film provokes me, in ways that no other person will EVER. I leave Little Children thinking I must take chances. I leave A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints thinking about never abandoning those who love me. I leave the Illusionist feeling all the mystique in the world walking back home. I leave The Departed excited, dis-disappointed of the new version. I leave Accepted remembering the feeling I had in high school. I leave Amelie extremely hopeful of a quirky and fresh life. I leave every one, feeling things I could not have possibly felt. And what did I feel? Only the natural. Only the provoking. Only the thought. And that is, something I cannot possibly live without. It's not even about leaving a film thinking something. It's about watching Munich or watching a film about football, or the Italian version of The Last Kiss, that enchants the natural existing within me. It's only the natural, and the natural is a thirst for thought and life and everything that surrounds the two. Why people never watch a film or desire to go to the theater baffles me. The power of a room filled up by emotional and passionate people pacing themselves along the vibrating sounds from those gigantic speakers--it's unspeakable. No one ever speaks about it, its power, but everyone feels it.
I am amazed by what a film can do to me. And when I look back on this post, I will seriously have thought I was high on something. But the walk back from a theater only makes this all so clear again each and every time.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Sunday, October 29, 2006
RIDIN' ON A BIKE
HEY HO HEY HO!
I wish I know how to ride a bike! I've tried, but even with the help of some friends, the experience is just painful, stressful and NOT FUN. But regardless, whenever I'm walking down the streets of the city, or I just look down on 12th street from my window, I always see cyclists ridin' around. There's the sporty peeps, the delivery guys, and just normal Americans riding around. One time I saw a mother one of those tandem bikes with 3 seats, carrying her son and daughter along the ride. Her kids were pedaling, but we should all know they're given more credit than they deserved, and the mom was fine with that. That's something I really want to do: ride a bike (pedaled by someone else) down streets of NYC. I can pretend to pedal, too, and reap the joys of riding without pedaling! If a mom can ride safely through the streets with her kids on the bike, I'm sure someone will be able to take me, too! Enough of the buses, cabs, subways, and plain walking. Think about the rush you get going down that semi-hill of Park Avenue at 4AM in the morning and inching near Union Square as we speak! I really don't think that's a moment to miss.
I wish I know how to ride a bike! I've tried, but even with the help of some friends, the experience is just painful, stressful and NOT FUN. But regardless, whenever I'm walking down the streets of the city, or I just look down on 12th street from my window, I always see cyclists ridin' around. There's the sporty peeps, the delivery guys, and just normal Americans riding around. One time I saw a mother one of those tandem bikes with 3 seats, carrying her son and daughter along the ride. Her kids were pedaling, but we should all know they're given more credit than they deserved, and the mom was fine with that. That's something I really want to do: ride a bike (pedaled by someone else) down streets of NYC. I can pretend to pedal, too, and reap the joys of riding without pedaling! If a mom can ride safely through the streets with her kids on the bike, I'm sure someone will be able to take me, too! Enough of the buses, cabs, subways, and plain walking. Think about the rush you get going down that semi-hill of Park Avenue at 4AM in the morning and inching near Union Square as we speak! I really don't think that's a moment to miss.
Friday, October 20, 2006
No Prob Bob
So we all have probs. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know who I want to be with. I don't know how to deal with my mom when she talks about weight. I don't know how to deal with my parents when I tell them I don't want to do what I have been doing in the past few years. I just really don't know, and I think I have so many problems. I still remember being so upset when I heard Ashlee Simpson's song "Catch me when I fall". I mean, it's Ashlee Simpson! But seriously, it makes all the sense to me. I have probs, and I just want to know, who's gonna catch me when I fall. I have probs when I have a playlist of "lonely" songs. C'mon, jesus christ.
But then, I don't really have probs! People have REAL issues out there. People have points of no return. People have hopelessness. People have breaking points, and I'm hardly breaking. I'm going through natural phases of life, and I think I have probs. So this post is to remind me to just stop. Stop being Bob with the stupid prob.
Cheesy and completely pointless entry upon rereading. But don't ever erase what you write.
But then, I don't really have probs! People have REAL issues out there. People have points of no return. People have hopelessness. People have breaking points, and I'm hardly breaking. I'm going through natural phases of life, and I think I have probs. So this post is to remind me to just stop. Stop being Bob with the stupid prob.
Cheesy and completely pointless entry upon rereading. But don't ever erase what you write.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Skinny Jeans
I have recently sold my soul to my parents, or so I thought.
At least I believe that people may think I sold my soul. I agreed to lose some weight by the end of this year, and if I succeed, my parents will send me on a full-fledged trip to the Sundance Film Festival. But what people have to realize, is that my mother is the most loving and caring person who speaks her mind, many times, in an offensive manner, and whatever she says to me, I always take with a grain of salt and interpret it otherwise. Whenever she tells me to lose weight, I get really upset. But when she breaks it down, and tells me why I am constantly gaining weight, I feel like I need to readjust myself from full-blown arguments.
"You're not exercising, you're not eating well, you eat too many sweets, and you never eat vegetables." She noticed my weight gain for the past few years, but knowing that I insisted on being happy with the way I am, she laid low. Then a few weeks ago, she was reminded of Amy, a receptionist at her office that she had seen her grow up for the past few years. Amy had blown up to be a depressed, obese young woman, and my mom became more worried. When I came back one weekend she mentioned the "weight" issue again, and I blew up. I cried all night, blaming her for the things she would say to me all my life about weight, weight, weight. Ever since I was little, she was weight conscious and affected me more or less. More on the more side. Everyday was a new diet formula, or a new health tip she read off of a local Chinese newspaper. It's incredibly draining, and I'm ridiculously sick of it. Should I be blaming her for thinking the way I do? Sad that I have a mother who would think such things? Angry that I have a mother who would say such things?
No. My mother has taught me so much in life that if this was to be a breaking point between me and her, I would be a stupid girl. Who's to blame for setting the ridiculously thin trend? Skinny jeans? People have problems that are far more upsetting and inherently wrong, and here I am thinking my single issue with my mother is traumatizing. Next time, if I do eat healthy, do exercise, do sleep well, and still gaining weight, I will chew my mother off. For now, there are other problems in this world to worry about. Like how Lily should lose weight and go to the SFF. haha. is it so inherently wrong?
At least I believe that people may think I sold my soul. I agreed to lose some weight by the end of this year, and if I succeed, my parents will send me on a full-fledged trip to the Sundance Film Festival. But what people have to realize, is that my mother is the most loving and caring person who speaks her mind, many times, in an offensive manner, and whatever she says to me, I always take with a grain of salt and interpret it otherwise. Whenever she tells me to lose weight, I get really upset. But when she breaks it down, and tells me why I am constantly gaining weight, I feel like I need to readjust myself from full-blown arguments.
"You're not exercising, you're not eating well, you eat too many sweets, and you never eat vegetables." She noticed my weight gain for the past few years, but knowing that I insisted on being happy with the way I am, she laid low. Then a few weeks ago, she was reminded of Amy, a receptionist at her office that she had seen her grow up for the past few years. Amy had blown up to be a depressed, obese young woman, and my mom became more worried. When I came back one weekend she mentioned the "weight" issue again, and I blew up. I cried all night, blaming her for the things she would say to me all my life about weight, weight, weight. Ever since I was little, she was weight conscious and affected me more or less. More on the more side. Everyday was a new diet formula, or a new health tip she read off of a local Chinese newspaper. It's incredibly draining, and I'm ridiculously sick of it. Should I be blaming her for thinking the way I do? Sad that I have a mother who would think such things? Angry that I have a mother who would say such things?
No. My mother has taught me so much in life that if this was to be a breaking point between me and her, I would be a stupid girl. Who's to blame for setting the ridiculously thin trend? Skinny jeans? People have problems that are far more upsetting and inherently wrong, and here I am thinking my single issue with my mother is traumatizing. Next time, if I do eat healthy, do exercise, do sleep well, and still gaining weight, I will chew my mother off. For now, there are other problems in this world to worry about. Like how Lily should lose weight and go to the SFF. haha. is it so inherently wrong?
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Colonel Bogey March
I wish I can watch the Breakfast Club everyday. And I definitely wish I can whistle; then I can join the crew and whistle the Colonel Bogey March. According to Wikipedia, this tune is one of the most popular marches ever published. Supposedly, it was developed by a military man and a golfer. Hence, the march part and the bogey part of the name.
I had been posting on Xanga for years. And for some reason, I came across a few blogs from Blogger, and it seemed promising for me to write absolute bullshit and enjoy myself. Xanga was the blog that I grew up with and just wanted to shake that shit off. People subscribe to each other as often as people request Facebook buds. Speaking of Facebook, it is the manisfestation of social pressure. You can move blogs around all the time, but a social networking profile? If you don't have one, you lose socially. If you have one, be sure to use those privacy options extensively. Your activity is monitored with every move that you make. And it's sad, because I am a complete voluntary victim of it. I recently deleted 50 friends that I had made since freshman year, and I actually felt guilty. Then I became incredibly paranoid and dreamed that an entire force of deleted people found me at my happiest moment and stomped all over me. And to think of deleting "friends" that I had met some point in time and gesture an occasional hello at Gould Plaza, is absolutely maniacal. Too hard.
I am currently writing a short story about superstition in the Chinese way--meaning ba gua, feng shui, fortune tellers, the whole shebang. I breathed superstition as a kid. When my mom, a realtor, would take me around to different houses she would say to me, Lily-ah, see this house? no good, willow trees, sad looking, attract ghosts. Or Lily-ah, see this house? facing the alley, that's an intersection, means conflict, no good.
Finished watching TBC.
I had been posting on Xanga for years. And for some reason, I came across a few blogs from Blogger, and it seemed promising for me to write absolute bullshit and enjoy myself. Xanga was the blog that I grew up with and just wanted to shake that shit off. People subscribe to each other as often as people request Facebook buds. Speaking of Facebook, it is the manisfestation of social pressure. You can move blogs around all the time, but a social networking profile? If you don't have one, you lose socially. If you have one, be sure to use those privacy options extensively. Your activity is monitored with every move that you make. And it's sad, because I am a complete voluntary victim of it. I recently deleted 50 friends that I had made since freshman year, and I actually felt guilty. Then I became incredibly paranoid and dreamed that an entire force of deleted people found me at my happiest moment and stomped all over me. And to think of deleting "friends" that I had met some point in time and gesture an occasional hello at Gould Plaza, is absolutely maniacal. Too hard.
I am currently writing a short story about superstition in the Chinese way--meaning ba gua, feng shui, fortune tellers, the whole shebang. I breathed superstition as a kid. When my mom, a realtor, would take me around to different houses she would say to me, Lily-ah, see this house? no good, willow trees, sad looking, attract ghosts. Or Lily-ah, see this house? facing the alley, that's an intersection, means conflict, no good.
Finished watching TBC.
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