I don't know. Just 2 weeks ago I walked from Chelsea Piers, thought I might die, but nevertheless enjoyed the "walk". 5 days ago, I'm running a 4 mile race in Central Park! 1 word: Pressure. This explains why I've been having a constant and looming feeling lately: pressure to budget, pressure to impress, pressure to not offend, pressure to socialize, pressure to commit, pressure to hide true feelings.
In the end it's always about money and love. How you spend money and how you love people. How money limits you and how love controls you. How you can control only so much of money and love, but ultimately finding yourself victim to the same things you thought you had control over. Making ends meet sucks, but when they do meet, you're just grateful you're not in debt. Wanting someone to love you digs the ultimate hole in your soul, but is filled right up when you get that love. Constant cycles of have's and have-not's and so many feelings of happiness and disappointment that I don't know what to believe in anymore. God? Don't think so. And to think, just 2 weeks ago I was just walking and enjoying the views of the Hudson River.
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