Where I find myself ending up...

I keep thinking about where my "last" destination in life would be, and obviously that always depends on what job I end up loving, who I end up marrying, where I want to raise my future kiddos, any all that jazz.

I thought about NYC - a lovely condo, living the city life with my family so I never have to give it up.

I thought about Asia - being close to my roots, my culture, and make sure my kids don't get lost in translation.

I thought about Texas - but that thought quickly ended. I'll always be about TX pride, but not sure if that's where I want my permanent home to be.

I thought about New Zealand - all because of the 2 week roadtrip during college and got me obsessed with the beauty of it all.

I thought about West Coast - sunny, beautiful...yes...

I even thought about Portland - all sorts of things I read about that city - the arts, the nature, the laid back and simplicity of it all.

And at the end of 'it all,' I cannot stop picturing myself in large house close to the mountains, lots of tall trees in the backyard, sunny, cool and dry, fresh breath of air, warm cup of tea in the morning, thinking about a hike during the summer time and a ski run down the mountains during winter, hit up a film fest, cozy up at the best Italian restaurant in town when my best friends are in town. All I want, is to be somewhere that's down to earth, close to nature but not void of the arts and activity, peaceful but equally inspiring.

We all live in a world full of fun distractions, happy hours, club nights, housewarmings, birthday parties, premiere parties - countless gatherings of people for special occasions. Then you start to question how exactly each occasion contributes to you being a better, more whole person. I love to socialize, I love to talk to people who mean a lot to me, but definitely need to strip some of that down and focus on the important things. And hopefully, that end vision of mine just might come true!

Love Affair with My Mama

5 days until Mama Yuan graces me with her presence. And instead of devoting copious amounts of time and energy putting together scrapbooks, planning birthdays for my best friends, I spent days planning our mother/daughter itinerary. What does she like to eat? What yoga classes can we take? What NYC events can we explore?

My best friend asked me one day how I view the relationship with Mama Yuan. Something in me spurred me to respond immediately:

"My mom has completely transformed from being my mother to my best friend."

But the truth is - she isn't the one who transformed.

I was 22 years old when the first step to my transformation arrived - I wished it had been sooner, but there was a time for everything - I was grateful I received my gateway then. Somewhere between the braces or high school partying or getting good grades or all those swim/piano/singing/guitar/anything-i-wanted lessons, I always managed to shrug her off. Suddenly out of an ordinary homesick moment, I gave her my undivided attention where a hug became a passionate and love-filled embrace, and tears of frustration became tears of disbelief, respect and gratitude.

Somewhere - she got my attention with her stories - the ones I hope to write a poem, a story, a song about, or share with my kids. I marveled at how meticulous my mother revealed stories one by one in order of severity - what was appropriate for me at the time. But every piece she fed me, she compared herself to me - that I was her in some ways and in other ways more than her. I could not possibly imagine how I would be "more than her." She's the perfect mother, the perfect mix of lessons, laughs, all give / no take mentality, and the necessary tempers that made the mix feel so real, that made me understand the ingredients that made me who I am.

On the motherhood track, I always expected the nagging, the home cooked meals, the unconditional love that my "mother" provided.

But on friendship track, I craved the moments where "best friends" bared each others souls in the most naked way with no substitutions.

Mom - I cannot wait to show you my 10 day itinerary and spend those days being BFFs.

And I'm back for arts and crafts

Yesterday after an inspiring morning of yoga, coffee+scone, and strolling along the Hudson, I went home, took a close look at my room, and spent an entire day re-styling my old t-shirts. I drew designs and measured, hemmed and trimmed, hand sewed stitches and buttons, the whole she-bang for like...1 t-shirt. I thought I would've done 5 by the end of the day, but I forgot how long it takes to sew without using a sewing machine. And even if I did have a sewing machine, it'd take longer to learn how to use it.

Anyhow the "inspiration" really came from me trying to budget strictly, vowing not to shop for clothes and shoes until August 2010. That's like, Lent on steroids, considering I haven't bought any clothes for 3 months already. I can be spiritual, see?

Then as I'm hacking away at this one "Greensburg, Kansas" t-shirt, I thought, if this go well, I can totally set up a shop and sell templated recycled t-shirt designs. Then for every t-shirt sold, I would do something related to non-profit. Like Tom's shoes - you buy a pair, he gives a pair to the needy. Then I was thinking, well what about all the other different projects that I've always bulleted in my head? I should think about creating a web destination that's just all about the "pieces" of my life. See below:

- A random animated comic series I dreamed up in college - I found scraps and pieces of a business plan I wrote on napkins and note pads and Word docs.

- Recycled t-shirts for sale and a non-profit tie-in that I can relate to

- This darn blog - just seeing that I haven't written a darn post over a year ago is disheartening, but life is full of distractions and complications, so why mope over it? I'm in this whole "Act now!" mode. See what old t-shirts can do to you?

- A "making of" video series on the screenplay I wrote (again, back in college). I finished Act 1, based on a short story I wrote. Now I need to dig through that box labeled "College Stuff" and actually finish something for once, considering I'm reading three different books, a chapter here, a few pages there, and then I just think to myself. Fuck. I'm never going to finish any of these books before Book 4 comes along and sweeps me off my feet.

- A whole series documenting my sometimes twisted budgeting tactics (i.e. make sure you have a willing mom to participate in the "freezer food for your kid" program where she cooks all the food you love as a child, put 'em in ziploc bags, freeze them, put 'em in that cooler bag you take with you on the plane back to wherever you're going. Then live off it for a long time.)

- And something else. There's gotta be. I just don't know what it is now. And I always try and find ways to complicate my life more.

With all the hours put into my day job, the co-workers go-away and birthday parties at the local pubs, the clubbin' days, brunch/lunch/shoppin/dinner/dancin with the gfs, I feel a certain guilt to purge a lot of that. But then again, how can I deliver against any of my own aspirations if I spend my time on everything else?

I've finally wiped the dust off my desk, the rather unwieldy and large one I bought 5 years ago thinking I'll be drawing and writing all over it like it was my own work studio. It felt so good, that there is no going back.